It's St. Patricks Day, and for some reason my mind turns to the most recent call I got from the Policeman's Benevolent Association when I was either eating or sleeping. The calls go like this:
"Good morning, ma'am, I'm calling you today" blah blah "know you want to support" blah blah "bulletproof vests" blah blah "the Force" blah blah "so can I at least put you down for?"
On my end the conversation goes: "No." "No." No." "No." "No." This is a technique I learned when I found myself switched to MCI (yay, WorldCom!) for saying "Yes, but," one time.
There is never time for me to say, "I hate cops. Policeman's Benevolant Association? My associations with policemen are all malevolent. Maybe it's all the acid I took and there's something wrong with my DNA now that makes me hate cops. Yeah, I know that now that I'm full-fledged fat-cat member of society you're supposed to be on my side. And yeah, one of my best friends used to be a cop. And yeah I'm fucking Irish for that matter, but it just doesn't make any difference. I don't want the sticker that keeps me from getting speeding tickets. I'm never giving you any money. I HATE COPS. Get it?"
Happy St. Patty's Day. Crack me open a Clausthauler. Strike a match.
Reason not to stop smoking today: Fucking pigs.
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This blog used to be called "Why I Can't Stop Smoking." Well, I did stop smoking. Now I need to stop drinking. The only thing is, every day there seems to be a reason why I can't just yet. It worked before, so—here goes! Today's reason
mr. and mrs. jones
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About Me
- Claudia
- The sister of the President of the Garden Club, a former journalist (People, Life) and now vacation rental property manager on an island once known as Claudia's Island, Claudia has honed her bedmaking skills and seldom travels without a truckload of substandard chairs.
6 comments:
cops suck!
st patricks at a bar without being able to smoke....is a crime and the cops enforce this if you do smoke....can't they just find a doughnut shop or real crime. Last month it was not a crime to smoke..
Visa and mastercard suck too. They will no longer let you use them to order smokes online. My job also sucks as I cannot smoke here either...but I am too pissed to care and spend my nights flipping the law off and contempleting a world of smoking without having to give reasons why you can't quit
The solution is to find a bar owned by the cops. Then you can smoke. I know such a magical place. The Irish-American cop gave me a cigarette and lit it too. It was lovely. Not all cops are bad, I promise.
smoking gun, I love your handle
Ay Dios Mio! And here I wanted to take you to a PBA party next time I was in New York...
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