the relative explosion

"Ohmigod, I haven't seen you in a thousand years!"
"I can't believe it!"
"Nice to meet you."
All my relatives, meeting one another.
OK, not all of them, but a lot. Around the table yesterday were:
My ex sister-in-law and her husband (my ex-husband's ex best friend) and their kid (my kid's cousin)
My ex brother-in-law (and current next door neighbor) and his kid (my kid's cousin)
His ex (and one of my best friends as well as my ex sister-in-law's ex friend)
My mother
My brother, his wife and kid (now friends with my ex-brother-in-law's kid as well as his ex's kid)
Are you following this?
Me neither.
Suffice it to say that I have relatives coming out my ears, and there are always more of them, with plenty of internecine rivalries.
Reason I can't stop smoking: My other ex sister-in-law and her husband and kid and her daughter and her husband and kid arrive today.