4.27.2005

vice squad

"You know, smoking's bad for you."
"I seem to have heard that somewhere."
"You should really quit."
"I know."
"They give, like, mild doses of antidepressives."
Botox, the gym, hypnosis, broccoli—there's a fix for everything, and only too many people who are happy to tell you how misguided you are for not fixing yourself. In grade school we used to call them goodie-goodies. They're the ones who wanted to grow up to be principal. Now they're health evangelicals, eager to rule your world. If there is such a thing as karma, these folks will die of ironic causes, probably colon cancer from being such tight-asses. (I wonder if Christian evangelicals have a higher incidence of brain cancer due to radiation from those halos.)
Reason not to quit today: I'd rather die of being a bad kid.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Remember the Hammond Report? It was a statistical study of human behavior, published in the 1960s, at the time the largest statistical study ever conducted. Its most widely reported conclusion was that smoking is hazardous to your health and the report led directly to the warning message that appears on every pack of cigarettes. But the report also documented other behaviors that were as hazardous to your health as smoking or worse: among them, being single, divorced, taller than six foot three, shorter than five foot two, a redhead. Ain't statistics wonderful? And if that doesn't make you feel better, the Hammond Report also concluded that eating fried foods three times a day was hazardous to your health. But it also showed that people who ate fried foods 15 times a day lived longer than anybody. Take that food police!

Anonymous said...

Like ass**** everyone has an opinion...few can seem to stop from sharing this. Smoking is a choice. Yes it is unhealthy...yes I am paying to much for the choice.
I am aware the tobacco company will not pick up medical bills I might need...so maybe the ones that so freely share the obvious with me will be willing to back up these words with another lung if it is needed. And if not..then go somewhere else to get away from secoundhand smoke.